reconciling things

“Allow it all to happen: beauty and terror…” Rilke

I am not worthy that You come under my roof. Only say the word and my soul will be healed.

Today in Mass, I knelt there watching and listening to the priest say the words of consecration. And my heart started to break.  We went forward for Communion, not receiving, as usual. I bowed before the Eucharist and Father Philip blessed me. And I wept. I wept, I wept. I went back to our seats, knelt and wept some more.

I said, “Lord! This is too difficult. I don’t want to come anymore if I can’t have the whole thing.” And then immediately I felt, like the disciples, “But where else can I go? You alone have the words of life.”

How precious it will be when I am able to partake as part of the Church in full communion. Lord, hasten the day.


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