…is because you’re not the one offended.
Here me out
I like this rock I live under. I’m out of the loop and genuinely don’t want to be looped in. I don’t want any more awareness raised. Seriously, I’m good. Yet, despite my best efforts to remain uninformed, I’m bombarded with news. I know you are too. The 24-hour news cycle is relentless in fomenting our outrage. Social media is worse because everyone has a hot take before they’ve even considered whether oven mitts are an option.
Which politician are we appalled at today? Which celebrity trial are we following like it matters to our lives? Which starlet did what to her face and how does that effect the way I get ready for my day tomorrow? Which mega-church pastor whose church I have never even been to said what?
And every outrage is a deep moral indignation. Because every issue is somehow given equal moral weight, anyone with a opposable thumbs feels the need to “use their platform” and say how equally gobsmacked they are. Rarely however do any of these scandals, legal battles, messy divorces, allegations, hidden camera investigations have anything to do with me. Which brings me to a really important principle of forgiveness:
In the prayer Jesus taught us to pray, we say, “…forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Our receiving forgiveness is linked to our obedience in forgiving those who trespass against us. To put it plainly, Russell Brand did not trespass against you. (You can swap out Brand for whatever other celebrity, politician, or stranger whose behavior you abhor.)
If the trespass was not against you, what is there for you to forgive?
It is there, in fact, “in the depths of the heart,” that everything is bound and loosed. It is not in our power not to feel or to forget an offense; but the heart that offers itself to the Holy Spirit turns injury into compassion and purifies the memory in transforming the hurt into intercession. (CCCn2843)
Put it down
In Romans 5 we read, “…where sin increased, grace abounded all the more.” I’ve seen this play out in my own life. When there is a deep hurt, a grave offense, when things are so heavy, when sin increases, God’s abundant grace comes in and there is a supernatural ability to forgive, to heal. God’s grace is given to the one who receives the offense enabling them to respond beyond their natural ability.
That same grace may not be given to the stranger.
Life-saving medicine is typically given to the accident victim, not to the one who reads the account of it the next day in the paper.
We have formed a nasty habit especially in the era of social media of seeing other people’s offenses and picking them up as our own. While we may think we are being aware, empathic, or socially responsible, we may just be busy-bodies preoccupied with the sins of others and the need to virtue signal. Then when grace is applied to the place of the sin the person who actually received the offense forgives and is free. But, the one who voluntarily picked up an offense that was not their own, perhaps did not receive that same life-saving grace. So they are left with their isolating contempt.
Maybe we need to learn to put down offenses that are not ours. Maybe it’s not so much forgiveness as it is letting go. Our arms were not meant to carry the weight of so many struggles. Remember that our Lord said that his yoke was easy and his burden is light. (Matthew 11:30)
Forgiveness also bears witness that, in our world, love is stronger than sin. The martyrs of yesterday and today bear this witness to Jesus. Forgiveness is the fundamental condition of the reconciliation of the children of God with their Father and of men with one another. (CCCn2844)
Alternatively
What would happen if we put down the manufactured indignation? What if we stepped away from exploring the inner workings of other people’s lives? Might we have time for a little more interior work of our own? Rather than spend an hour doomscrolling and pearl-clutching, spend 15 minutes examining your own conscience, learning to reflect, meditate, and return to peace with God and neighbor.
You perhaps know about the Daily Examen by St. Ignatius of Loyola. It seems almost too easy. But once you begin, you’ll realize how much of a spiritual and emotional discipline it is to do nightly interior work.
First, become aware of God’s presence. So, find some place where you can be aware and still. Invite the Holy Spirit to be with you.
Second, review the day with gratitude.
Third, pay close attention to your emotions. (Are you holding isolating contempt for people you don’t even know? Let that go. Start over and stay in your lane.)
Fourth, choose one feature from the day and pray from it. This is where it can be helpful to ask Jesus to awaken your memories with him. In your baptized imagination, place yourself in that memory and pray with Jesus there.
Lastly, look forward to tomorrow. Place your future, whatever it may be in God’s providence.
I feel like turning off the scroll, the television, and the endless podcasts to spend time in silence with the ultimate Forgiver is the only way to go through this current culture not tied up in knots, angsty, or panicking.
And if in this daily practice you find that you cannot forgive, just check in with yourself to see if maybe you are carrying a burden that was never yours to begin with.
“We need, in love, to practice only this: letting each other go. For holding on comes easily; we do not need to learn it.” (Rilke)
