As I have mentioned in previous posts, this process of conversion can be gut-wrenchingly difficult. Knowing Jesus more and more brings with it an increased longing for more of Him. It’s Divine Dissatisfaction. I have found that I am OK through most of the Mass, but get to Communion and I turn into a puddly mess. And my soul cries out.
I shared this with my priest and he comforted me with this thought:
When Jesus shared the Last Supper with His disciples, you have to realize it was not the only Passover He had shared with them. He had a three year ministry, so it only makes sense that he shared other Passovers with them and plenty of other meals. Yet what did He say? I have longed to eat this meal with you… He eagerly desired to share His life with them and to share that meal with them. In as much as you desire to share in the Eucharist with Jesus, you must realize that Jesus longs for it even more.
This did so much to heal my heart. To realize that my longing was not one-sided like a teenager pining for a pop-star or a secret crush. No, it is real and tangible and a two-way street. Jesus also longs to share the Eucharist with me.
It brought to mind Revelation 22:17. The Spirit and the the Bride say come! The longing for communion, for intimacy, for the fulfillment and the redemption of all things is mutual. We cry out to Jesus and He cries out to us. We both say come. It is OK to hunger. It is OK to be thirsty. It doesn’t make you any less of a Christian. It doesn’t make you a second class citizen of heaven. Jesus, so lovingly, reminds us, that blessed are those who are hungry and thirsty for righteousness. They shall be filled.