reconciling things

“Allow it all to happen: beauty and terror…” Rilke

The Missing Sacraments

littlesisterofhildegard

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May 2, 2015

I didn’t grow up with the Sacraments. Yes, I was baptized and received Communion (as often as it was offered, which was about once a month. The focal point of a Protestant worship service is not the Eucharist.) but I don’t recall them ever being called Sacraments. They were symbols.  I was also married in the church.  But, again, not sure it was ever called a Sacrament. A covenant, yes. But, not a Sacrament.

I grew up with the following theology: What Jesus did was enough. If you have to add anything to that, you’re saying that what Jesus did was not enough. You cannot add the requirement of church attendance, baptism, confession, anything, otherwise you invalidate the provision of Christ. Continue reading

I Choose All

littlesisterofhildegard

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March 19, 2015

A little more than a year ago I was sitting around with two (then) Protestant girl friends, drinking tea, discussing theology–namely Catholicism. Yes, I have better than average friends. We may not know who won an Oscar or who wore what on the red carpet, but we can discuss transubstantiation, theology of the body, and church history until the cows come home.

We all agreed that the Catholic Church had at least one thing absolutely right. That is, the Eucharist. The Real Presence was as true as Jesus Himself in the flesh–well because that’s what it is.  We each expressed a sort of longing to be united with the Universal Church in the Eucharist. Could we make the leap? Could we cross the Tiber?  Continue reading

The Moral Issues

littlesisterofhildegard

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March 5, 2015

Long before I even considered becoming Catholic, I found that on moral issues I was in the Catholic camp more often than not.  For some reason, in my own Protestant churches, I could not find a lot of common ground on some things I considered very important.

Such as: the indissolubility of marriage, abortion, birth control, the death penalty, euthanasia, obligations to the poor and to works of charity, etc.

On moral issues I found my leaders strangely silent and when they did speak out, it was….soft. To say the least. It was as if they were afraid to really come out and say, “These things: x,y,z, are moral evils. These things are sin.” Protestants find a lot of grey where the Scripture and Sacred Tradition is pretty black and white. Continue reading

Be Reconciled

littlesisterofhildegard

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March 3, 2015

A year ago there began a really intense longing in me for the Sacrament of Confession. Which is an odd thing for a, then, Protestant to so greatly desire. After all, I can confess my sins directly to Jesus (and of course we should). Such an antiquated idea that we need to confess our sins to any man. Continue reading

The Greats and Real Christians

littlesisterofhildegard

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February 24, 2015

I read Brother Lawrence’s The Practice of the Presence of God when I was a seventeen, I think. It quickly became one of my treasured books. I read A Man For All Seasons and watched the movie. St. Thomas More was the man! I read Tolkein and Lewis. At my wedding my Bridesmaids carried the Prayer of St. Francis in the language of flowers and herbs and the prayer was written in the wedding program. Shortly after I got married I read St. Augustine’s Confessions. I wanted to name my next son Augustine, but my husband vetoed that. I read St. Basil The Great and how he defended the church against heresy, how he wouldn’t embrace unity at the price of orthodoxy. I wanted to name my next son Basil. Too artsy-fartsy, my husband said. (and he’s probably right…)

When Mother Teresa died I kept the newspapers that announced her death and reported on her funeral. She was my hero. Continue reading

Longing

littlesisterofhildegard

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February 23, 2015

As I have mentioned in previous posts, this process of conversion can be gut-wrenchingly difficult. Knowing Jesus more and more brings with it an increased longing for more of Him. It’s Divine Dissatisfaction.  I have found that I am OK through most of the Mass, but get to Communion and I turn into a puddly mess. And my soul cries out.

I shared this with my priest and he comforted me with this thought: Continue reading

It’s too difficult

littlesisterofhildegard

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February 9, 2015

I am not worthy that You come under my roof. Only say the word and my soul will be healed.

Today in Mass, I knelt there watching and listening to the priest say the words of consecration. And my heart started to break.  We went forward for Communion, not receiving, as usual. I bowed before the Eucharist and Father Philip blessed me. And I wept. I wept, I wept. I went back to our seats, knelt and wept some more. Continue reading

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